Invest in Yourself | The Better Than Rich Show Ep. 1

Control Your Return

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Control Your Return 〰️

Invest in Yourself

We here at Better Than Rich know the importance of investing in yourself. It’s one of the most important things you can do.

We are all about the development of ourselves and others, but the others can’t come into play if we aren’t in the right place. There is no way to pour into someone from an empty cup.

Luckily, these important investments provide big returns. Investing in yourself can teach you a multitude of things. Here are some things we’ve learned and tips we’ve collected while investing in ourselves.

What Is This Experience Teaching Me?

It’s important to start with your thoughts and point of view. When we step into situations looking for progress and a positive outcome instead of expecting a problem, problems turn into opportunities.

We should do this with our relationships as well. This helps present what our relationship is teaching and doing for us. Reflecting on this topic can help you decide what you need to do to improve your current relationships and decide what the reasoning is for creating new ones.

Self Reflection

Self-reflection is an important part of investing in yourself. The only way to have true self-reflection is to allow for a mentally safe space for the truth. Sometimes it can be difficult to ask yourself those tougher questions, but you’ll never answer honestly if you know judgment will come shortly after.

During a self - reflection questions come up that resemble “Am I good enough” “Is this the right time” “What is my purpose”. Questions like this are called the Imposter Syndrome. This is where a person starts feeling like they aren’t enough or don’t fit in with their peers. The best way to counteract the Imposter syndrome is to decide who your true authentic self is and put in the work.

Who are you when no one is looking? That is your true authentic self.

Knowing who that looks like, sounds like, acts like, is important so you can step into the best version of yourself when it’s time to serve yourself and others best.

The Market Determines Your Value

There are a lot of people who want to go beyond, they believe they aren’t being paid enough and are worth more. Sadly, we don’t get to decide our Value, the Market does. Instead of saying that you deserve more, the correct question is to ask “What can I do to make myself more valuable?”.

“What is the pathway for me to my level of value that I'm offering to the marketplace, and therefore actually receive the funds that I want to receive to be able to live the life that I want to live,” states Andrew Biggs.

You must find a plan to add value to yourself to receive the life you desire and ‘deserve’.

Because sadly, no one owes you anything. You are here to solve problems, so what problem are you solving? The bigger the problem that is solved the more people will want what you are selling or providing.

Being Unattached

Being attached to your outcomes leads to emotional suffering. Attachment leads an individual to believe they need something to happen.

When we bring the energy of need, we are expressing the fact that we lack things, which shows that we are desperate. Bringing this energy repels the things we want instead of attracting us to them.

The best way to compel rather than repel is to ensure you are serving your customer’s best interests first. If it’s a no-sale? No biggie.

You must be in a mindset that you don’t need anything or anyone so you can approach each situation with a leveled mind focused on progress, not problems.

Andrew Biggs 1:50
What's going on everybody welcome to the better than rich show. We are so glad that you are here to be with us this Sunday morning. I'm Andrew Biggs, your host and I'm here with my special co host, Mike Abramowitz. Mike, how you doing today?
Mike Abramowitz 2:05
Doing great Andrew, excited to kick things off with our first episodes. It's fun.
Andrew Biggs 2:10
Yeah, absolutely. And for everyone who's watching live, go ahead and just, you know, drop a like, go ahead and mention something in the comments, let us know where you're tuning in from, and what brought you here today. Obviously, this is our very first episode. So we are so excited to be able to be here with you. And we have some really great topics to be discussing today. The the overall title of the show today is what I've learned from investing in myself. And just to give a little bit of a context. For this conversation. Mike Abramowitz and I have been working together for the last four years. In a I've been his coach and him being the client. And I mentioned this in our kind of pre podcast launch. But Mike has really internalized so many of the lessons that better than rich has, and has really become a master. And so he's going to be joining me on a lot of these shows to discuss what it is that he's learning and what it is that he's learned over the last four years. And that's kind of the topic of today. But again, if you're with us drop a like one of the best things you could do is share this, it helps us reach a larger audience as well. And whether on YouTube or Facebook, we're in both places. So if you're on Facebook, maybe check us out on YouTube, hit like and subscribe and hit the notification bell. So you'll be up to date on all of these episodes. But let's dive in. And yeah, Mike, I mean, just to just to kick things off, obviously it is, you know, bright and early Sunday morning, the sun's not even out where I'm at. And we're jumping into a podcast. Yeah, man, just fill us in. Like, why are you here? And what are you excited about talking about today?
Mike Abramowitz 3:40
Oh, I mean, the number one reason why I'm here is because I believe that you've served me at the highest level during the last few years. I mean, we I remember, we celebrated our 100th call, I don't know probably about a year ago. And maybe maybe more than that I don't even know at this point. But it was really cool to look back when we had our 100th call. And we celebrated that milestone and to think of just how much I've been able to learn and grow and how many blind spots have been exposed, and how many masks I was wearing, and just just how much I've learned and I feel it's so compelled to share some of those lessons that you've helped me reveal and unveil about myself, whether it be with business or relationship or just identity. I mean, there's so many so much to unpack during those last couple years that it's it's it's critical for me to do my part and helping other people learn the lessons that you've taught me. And I thought this would be a great platform for us to be able to do that. So I'm really excited about that and sharing some of those lessons, lessons from bigs.
Andrew Biggs 4:52
They got big. Well also, I mean, just just to piggyback on that I've also learned so much from you and what's maybe one of the biggest Smith says that the coaches don't learn from their, from their clients. And I can tell you that every single day I learned something from my clients, whether it's something specific that they're teaching me, or it's something that I need to work on in myself, that for some reason, there's a block there, there's something there, where I can't produce a transformation when I want to produce a transformation or when they need a transformation. And so clients teach their coaches just as much just like, you know, kids teach their parents just as much as parents teach their kids. And, you know, I think that this is, this is gonna be fun man to to dive in. And I can't wait to, to unpack it. So. And by the way, again, I'm going to be sharing some of my biggest lessons of being a coach over the last four years as well. So, Mike, I mean, I'm gonna kick it over to you, and let you kind of get start things off. But yeah, man, what's the first lesson that you want to share? that you've learned from investing in yourself? Tell us a little bit more.
Mike Abramowitz 5:56
So in no particular order, I would say the first the first one that really resonated with me is is why are certain things in my life. So we've had many of these conversations of, why am I with vector marketing? Like why was why is vector and Cutco in my life? Why did I marry my wife Lindsay, you know, what? Is she here to teach me? What is vector here to teach me? What are certain staff members here to teach me of why? Well, what are the gifts that I've got from you know, everything from my mom died when I was 22. You know, dealing overcoming any type of obstacles in the past. So I was already on a great journey of understanding and revealing the gifts and things that happen in life. But you helped me take it just a step further of not just finding the gift, but also the purpose behind it. Like what is it here to teach me? And I think the big revelation specifically was with my wife, Lindsay, I told her this yesterday and I said, No, what is what is Lindsay here to teach me? What Why is she why her. And it was it was really interesting conversations that you and I had, but it was one of the most impactful ones because once I revealed that, then I was able to say Holy shit, like, okay, I can be more intentional with my relationship, if I know that that's what she's here to teach me. So that was about that was a really big, valuable lesson. And of course, we could go into what those lessons are. But that probably be a whole episode in itself. But that was a big one.
Andrew Biggs 7:34
And the frame there for for anyone who's listening is just an assumption that whatever is showing up in your life is here to teach you a lesson. You know, what if we just started with that basic assumption, okay, you get in your car, you're in a traffic jam. What is this traffic jam here to teach me, you're having a conversation with a potential client, or you're having a conversation with a potential person to join the team? And it's frustrating, okay, what is this client or this potential person to join the team here to teach me and just always having this frame, if there's something in my life, maybe it's a habit, or something that you struggle with, where you can't seem to wake up on time, or you're always inconsistent, or, you know, you struggle with, you know, your exercise habits, or your diet habits, it's like, all of these things are here to teach you something. And so just starting with that basic assumption, that no matter what it is, that's in your life, it's here to teach you something that obviously starts to frame things not as problems but as opportunities, it starts to switch that, that framing and that lens that we're looking at things with, so we can start to think, okay, when I assume that whatever is showing up in my life is here to teach me something, well, then I'm going to start learning stuff, instead of just accepting my feet in reality, and that's not what, you know, anybody who's in the personal growth space would ever tell you to do, you know, we aren't here to just accept whatever comes into our lives and to be kind of an effect of our environment. Instead, we're going to be the cause of the environment, we're going to step out and actually impact it, we're going to influence it, we're going to make it better we're going to make our lives better. Through choices, right? We're gonna make intentional choices. Mike, anything come up for you on that is we're just pitching and catching here.
Mike Abramowitz 9:18
Yeah. It just by asking the question, what is this here to teach me? I mean, we've had like I said, many conversations about that. Specifically, like, it's gonna be something as small as the traffic jam. I know one of our topics that I talked about with you is patience many times over of like, Man, these kids just bother me sometimes. Like, like, I'm working with these college kids and like, they just bother me. It's like, Great, well, what are they here to teach you? Like, how to not be bothered, you know, but it was really it came down to patience and how, how important it is for me to understand that and own that and honor that. From the As individuals in my life and then you know I like what you just said about the intentionality of learning like it's it's it's a choice it does take intention intentionality to to to learn and to choose to learn because sometimes we don't want to we want to just take things for this is this is how it is or this is what is going to be your you know I mean you can look at what's happening on media and social media right now is a perfect example that it's like this is this is how it's going to be you know and that's just this is how it is and I'm like no it's not it's not even close it's more of like what is this here to teach you what is this here to show you what are you getting exposed to you know, by seeing this like sometimes I'll get trapped in the vortex of like seeing what's on social media media not necessarily to get influence but just from a curiosity standpoint of like what is actually influencing the public space right now just so I can try to like immerse myself and see if I can get influenced and sometimes I can get triggered but I could be aware of it because I'm coming from a lens of what is this teaching me versus Is this real? Oh my goodness if that's really happening I need to I need to go buy a lot of toilet paper oh my goodness that's what everyone else is doing was to go to to where even though I had a lot of toilet paper already I didn't know I needed anymore. There you guys one simple example but
Andrew Biggs 11:31
right totally. Yeah, man I love it. And you know I think what you're bringing up there is really important and it's just it's okay to have your ear to the ground you know more so than ever, you know amidst like, you know, Coronavirus 2020 election all this crazy stuff as somebody who's a somebody who's doing their civic duty and wants to be involved I think it is important to have your ear to the ground and also it's important to not get sucked into it right and not be sucked into the story we want to be able to have some sort of gap between you know being triggered and then responding or reacting so I mean that in and of itself is a is a whole probably a whole nother lesson I mean it by the way if you're with us in the comments if for some reason our comments aren't streaming in for our from our platform here but hopefully you guys are doing okay and maybe Mike would with your you have the Facebook Live pulled up so maybe if somebody changes in there you can kind of manage the comments to that but you know here we're gonna we're gonna be pretty real we're gonna be pretty raw we're gonna be honest I'm gonna put you on the spot a little bit Mike like you know, you said hey, I asked you a question what is my wife here to teach me obviously in the context of you and Lindsay Do you mind sharing a little bit about what came up for you know when you thought about that and what the lesson really was that she's here to teach you?
Mike Abramowitz 12:47
Sure, sure. Well, it's funny because I was interviewed on the changing lifestyle and knives podcast and my response on that podcast was lessons I learned from individuals in my life and one of the lessons that I said in that was I learned patience in my relationship and she's like that's not a compliment you know, learning patience like I said it's it's not it's just a lesson that I'm learning it's not meant to be negative for a lesson I'm learning by being in a relationship not necessarily with you just in a relationship in general but the biggest lessons that she is here to teach me although I've learned many lessons I've learned things from politics to to understanding just different family values the whole lens of life I mean it just organization to a whole new level i mean it's it's it's great but the number one thing of what she's here to teach me is masculinity. And you and I have kind of unveiled is you know the backstory on that is growing up as the youngest of eight so up in New Jersey I had so I had to go back to my very earliest memory and I've gone through a lot of workshops with you and Tony Robbins and date with destiny but going back to my very earliest memory of really think of was I more of a feminine man or a more masculine or more feminine kid or memorising kid and I had a really do dig dig deep and my earliest memory I was able to get to was in nursery school. I went to Hebrew school and I my earliest memory I can remember was me like, making people laugh and being almost like the center of attention and like that that was kind of the memory that I had. So therefore I was like, Okay, I was owning my presence. more masculine. Okay, cool. So I could own that. But then I had you know, my sisters my closest in age to me they would kind of like baby me a little bit. My oldest sister called me yummy. You know, that's, that's how She would describe me I was very like soft, my mom baby to me. So therefore I had these women in my life to kind of like, baby and coddle me which put this feminine softness to me. And then when I moved out of New Jersey to go to college occur, I put on this mask of independence and like, No, I don't want to be baby anymore, I put this mask of independence on, and then learning meditation and stillness, and I was like, Oh, let me put on the softness again, this so it was like mask on top of masks not to have a mask on top of mass. Where, why is Lindsey in my life, it's too and what you helped me realize is to put all those masks down, and just get back and strengthen my masculine core that I initially had in my very first memory. And, and, you know, she'll, she'll expose that out of me and draw that out of me in many different conversations and situations, whether it's life situations, or just my response to certain things. And there was a great book you recommended that I read, and that was the way of the superior man, which dramatically changed that my paradigm of what it means to be in a relationship and how to honor your woman in that relationship and also how to honor my own presence as the man in that relationship or the masculine energy not necessarily the man but the masculine energy and creating polarity in the relationship. So and understanding that dynamic because Lindsay is the oldest of three girls. And then when her dad passed, she kind of almost took that the patriarch or role of being the oldest, and you know, so it was almost like, she kind of owned this masculine trait in her family by by design, just you know, really just how circumstances unfolded. So by her kind of having more of that energetic coming into our relationship, it was really great for me to be have my partner teach me some of those things but also almost like forced me to own some of those characteristics to be able to honor her natural feminine energy, by me making sure that I'm owning my masculine because if I'm not owning the masculine, there's got to be polarity and she's gonna have to own it. So it's like no Fuck that, like I need to own it, I need to step into that so that way I can make sure that she feels comfortable in her feminine and her feminine core so
Andrew Biggs 17:34
yeah, it's a beautiful way of putting it mask on top of mask on top of mask and I think you know, that could be almost a theme for the modern era, right? A series of masks you know ever ever you know continuing to distance yourself from your true authentic self and and i think that that is how a lot of people end up living and that's how a lot of people end up dying because they never actually do the work that you're talking about. I mean some of the things that you're talking about go back to your deepest memory or your your first memory as a child you know, really reflecting on these sorts of experiences that have shaped you. I mean, you can tell Mike has gone deep You know, I've gone deep as well it's kind of one of the things we like to do here and also like let me just ask you a real question that is that like scary to go there and to actually think about these things
Mike Abramowitz 18:30
Ah, for me, it wasn't necessarily scary because I was coming from a place of curiosity so I was very curious and not judgmental and I know you got a guided and pre frame me to believe that so I think because I had you kind of Sherpa me through what type of emotion I should have and lead with curiosity versus judgment because I remember a conversation you and I had about that judgment is like the very like base level of violence so it's like if we come back come into a situation where I'm coming from a place of judgment then that could lead more towards like a violent approach to myself which has been which has happened where curiosity is more of this gentleness softness where it gives me give myself permission to say let's go explore you know, it's kind of poke around a little bit and see what's what's actually true. And so I don't I don't think it was I don't think there was too much fear around that much. But I could see how it could be for some people because if they are approaching some of those inner stories, and it's not what they expected. So like for me if I if I went into it, and I was like shit, okay, I was actually quite feminine boy and that might be deemed like I know you and I had conversations about that as like, Am I gay? Yeah, like I had, I had to go into these questions. And so I guess maybe those questions were a little scary for me.
Andrew Biggs 20:12
Right? And it's like, well, you know, it's okay. You can be feminine and not but yet, which is again, yeah, a
Mike Abramowitz 20:18
whole nother thing. being vulnerable, and being very curious is like,
Andrew Biggs 20:23
that is some real curiosity. I appreciate that. Yeah, that was
Mike Abramowitz 20:26
real, like it was real. So maybe there was a little fear there around that. But um, but I guess, by not having the judgment by making sure I was curious, by going through the process of just honoring myself and wanting to peel back some of those layers, I was able to get to some of the truth. And you know, the saying truth, are you free, and once I got that information, once I was able to kind of do some of that digging, that was like, cool, I can build on a foundation, that's, that's rooted into what's real, versus what's rooted into what society thinks I'm supposed to root into.
Andrew Biggs 21:10
Right? Right. Awesome, man, thanks for sharing. And, you know, that's, that is a kind of a an important thing, if you're a leader, or even just for yourself, and you want to get to the truth, you have to create a space where the truth feels comfortable to come out, right. And, you know, if we just think about it from a therapists perspective, you know, the idea is to create psychological safety within the room, right? So that the person can share whatever comes up, whether they like it or not, whether they love it about themselves, they hated about themselves, the whole point of the getting therapy is to just have the space that's safe, to be able to bring up anything. And you know, to your point, I mean, I've had so many people bring up things that they've never shared with anybody. And things that they have, in some ways are just revealing to themselves. And that's kind of the idea of psychological safety, is that finally, there's a safe space where I can actually explore this without having the ramifications of social ramifications, or personal ramifications, or it doesn't affect my income, or my job, or my employment or anything like that doesn't affect my relationships, because I have this safe space to explore it. So if you are a leader, and you want people, to be more honest with you, you need to be asking the question, How can I create psychological safety for my team? How can I make it more safe for people to come to me with their problems, because too often, people don't feel comfortable coming to anybody with their problems, let alone people of authority, let alone people that they respond that they report to. So we need to make sure that we're creating that sort of psychological safety. And, and that way, they can actually come to us with their problems. You know, if you guys can are listening, you can relate to this. By having somebody you know, on your team, where you think things are going really well. They're responding really well to your leadership, and you think things are just fine. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, they quit, or out of sudden, out of nowhere, a client drops out and says, Yeah, no, thanks. I'm not interested in working with you anymore. And in some ways, you never really get the real answer, they give you some sort of smokescreen answer. Yeah, it's just, you know, not working out, or, you know, I need to take some more time for myself, or, you know, I got this other opportunity, thanks. But no thanks. And then you never really hear back from them again. And the reason for this, generally speaking, is you didn't make it safe enough for them to bring whatever problems or issues they had with you up. So even in my practice, as a coach, you know, I'm always trying to keep my ear to the ground on what my relationship with different clients is. And, you know, trying to make it safe, where if they feel like they aren't getting the value that they need, I create the space where they can be like, Hey, man, I'm not getting what I need from you. And then we can have a conversation about it. And if I really can't fulfill their needs, then I'll say, hey, like, Look, I can't do that for you, you need to go somewhere else. But if I can, then I'll say, hey, like, thanks for bringing this up. I really wasn't aware that this is what you need it let's put up puts put together a plan to make it happen. So you know, I think that it's just important for us to be thinking about these things as we're, as we're diving in today. So I'm gonna I'm gonna share one of mine. And you know, one of the things that that I wrote down as I was reflecting on some of the some of the lessons I've learned for the last four years, one that I think is really key and really important that not a lot of people understand is that the market determines your value. Okay? The market determines your value. What that really means is, I have so many people come to me and say, Hey, Andrew, I'm making 60,000 I'm making 80,000 and, you know, I'm not making enough I feel like I'm worth 100k you know, I should be a six figure earner, or I should I should be making 150 200,000 or whatever. I don't know why I'm not getting the money. I deserve and You know, unfortunately, sometimes I have to kind of throw cold water on them, I do appreciate when people have this, this ear for growth and this eye for growth and they want to go beyond, but you actually from, from a financial perspective, don't get to determine what your what your worth, the market will determine what your pay will be. And so if you're not making six figures, if you're not making 150, or 200, or whatever it is that you want to make seven figures eventually, then you need to say, How can I actually become more valuable? What is the pathway for me to actually increase my level of value that I'm offering to the marketplace, and therefore actually receive the funds that I want to receive to be able to live the life that I want to live? And so so many times I think this is maybe just a fact in reality of the sense of entitlement that, particularly my generation, the millennials, and probably upcoming generations have as well. It's well documented, the Gen Z in the boomers and the silent generation think that we are very entitled, and I think they definitely have some points there.
But essentially, you're not owed anything, right? The world does know anything, the market doesn't know anything, you need to add value to get something in return. And so sometimes, I see people struggle with that. And they come to me, and they want to know why they're not making what they're making what they want to make. And I just simply have to say, well, the market determines your value. And by the way, the same thing goes for me, you know, I eventually would love to be able to make seven figures in a year. Apparently, what the market is telling me is that I'm not worth seven figures just yet. Fair enough. What do I need to do today to get better? If I could, if I want to make a million dollars or more in a year, I don't need 100 million, but a million would be nice. And, you know, let's let's figure that out. Let's work on it. Let's put together a plan to add more value to the marketplace up. So my rant is over, Mike, what comes up for you on this topic, anything that sparked your interest?
Mike Abramowitz 27:02
Yeah, cuz we used to talk about that, especially when I was, you know, working with the schools, we grabbed tomorrow and trying to get it into the schools. And I'm like, put in a lot of hours of trying to get things launched and get these gigs and get these clients and doing enrollment conversations. And I mean, we spent many, many hours kind of working through that. And there was I was like, I deserve this. What, you know, like, I gave them 300 plus hours of speaking, I mean, the least they could do is buy my book, you know, it's like I deserve this, I earn, you know, I earned this. And, and I remember we had many of those conversations of like, You don't deserve anything. If you're not getting it like lifers, you know, in response to what problem are you solving in the marketplace? You know, are you are you helping them solve a certain problem? And when we started, I started approaching it from that lens. That's when I started getting some clients and getting some gigs and getting some book sales of like, What problem? am I helping them solve? And am I able to prove it? And then I was able to do that. So yeah, so for any of the coaches out there anyone who's you know, in business, I think it's a valid question. Just ask, like, for example, if you're, you know, I we sell Cutco, you know, in my organization. So it's like a very easy one. It's like, if you're solving the problem of just crappy knives. And how much is someone willing to spend to solve the problem of crappy knives, if you're willing to solve if you're able to solve the problem of spending more time with their family, and they could say, spending more time with my family is going to be correlated to investing in this product line? Well, that's the bigger problem. And they are more likely to spend more money on solving that problem. If it's, I want to live a healthier lifestyle, cooking at home and eating healthy and spending more time in my home with my family, and having more family fun activities, and activating creativity in the kitchen. Well, now it's even bigger problem that we can solve, which means I'm more likely to spend more money solving that problem than just getting better knives. So the bigger the problem that we can solve, the more people are going to spend to solve that problem.
Andrew Biggs 29:35
And if you're in sales, you're in leadership. You know, the biggest thing that you need to, to master in general, is the art of discovery, right? Can you actually determine what this person's values are? And ask enough questions to determine where I should even take this conversation. You know, what is the right way and what are the certain pain points or hit points that I need to focus on that my product Our service can actually support them. And so, so many people want to just demonstrate a product or just demonstrate a service, hey, our service is great, here's what you can expect to get this many calls and this many, you know, group calls and this many retreats or whatever, you get this many knives in this in this sad or you get this software product or whatever it is that you're selling, they want to just demonstrate it, but really, that doesn't matter, you know, you're trying to sell the the airplane in that case instead of the destination. And we got to make sure that if we're going to be in sales or leadership, we're showing people what the destination is going to look like how you're going to spend more time with your family, hey, you're going to you know, save money because of, of you know, you're not going to eat out as much you're gonna do this, you're gonna do that, that's selling the destination that's talking about the sitting on the beach, drinking a margarita or whatever, as opposed to Hey, wake up at four in the morning and you know, get on Spirit Airlines flight to the Bahamas. That doesn't sound all that exciting. So don't talk about the airplane talk about the destination and, you know, you're gonna, you're gonna do pretty well. So hey, I you know, I asked you a question coming into this to send me your notes. I wanted to ask you about imposter syndrome. Like, from your perspective, what is imposter syndrome? And, you know, what, what have you learned about it? What's your take? How have you overcome it? I talked to so many people who struggle with imposter syndrome. So first off, what is it? And what can people do to overcome it? Talk a little bit about that for a sec.
Mike Abramowitz 31:26
For me, imposter syndrome was feeling like I am trying to just do what everyone else is doing already. And I'm just trying to add my word like, Am I worthy to, you know, enter the space that other people are already in? Am I worthy of, you know, receiving any of the the clout or recognition or notoriety that comes with that? Am I actually good enough to offer the value that I believe I'm able to offer to the marketplace? So these are all the questions that would kind of come up for me in this in this concept of, am I good enough? Like, am I good enough? As a manager? Am I good enough? As a leader? Am I good enough? as an author? Am I good enough as a speaker? So all of these questions would come around, just not being my authentic self. So what you really helped me with, and and getting connected to, is getting more connected to what is my authentic self, regardless of, you know, if there's not people around me, forget about everyone else around me. And if I'm able to just go here and think who I am, what is my message? What is my purpose? What is my identity? What do people need? How can I serve them? It allowed me to just kind of get more in touch with my authentic self and lead from that space, and not worry so much about what everyone else is going to think of me? Or am I worthy of everything, because I'm just going to show up and serve. And what's interesting is by practicing that, it is definitely a practice because anything is ritual for me. I mean, I have to be very habitual. Because if I don't, if I don't, it's very easy for me to just go away and just isolate and just not want to be in the in the public space. Because you know, I would say I identify as as an introvert. You know, if you look at my CVI chart, I'm a heavy banker, innovator. So it's like a 26, and an 18, banker, innovator. So it's very dominant, which really pushes me more towards inner you know, introvert more than anything. So it's against my grain to want to be in the spotlight or want to, you know, do things like this. But I also need to know what's intelligent. And if I know my purpose, and I know my authentic truth is to serve as many people as possible and take all the gifts and things that I've learned in my life and help other people then I need to step into a version of me that can serve as many people as possible so that takes intentionality that takes effort that takes focus. So as long as I do that, I'm going to be able to honor my authentic self and know that I am putting in the work I'm not being an imposter. I'm not trying to be someone else. I'm putting in the work I am waking up early. I am doing my morning routines. I am doing my meditations, I am doing my workouts I am reading books, I am listening to podcasts, so therefore I'm not an imposter. I'm just literally sharing what's working for me. And if that serves other people then then so be it. I'm going to share with other people. So I think part of part of me where I was congruence was when I wasn't doing those things. But yet I felt like I was still worthy of those outcomes. And that's where that imposter syndrome would come from where it's like, I'm worthy of all these things that are supposed to come to be kind of like what we previously said. But I wasn't doing all of those things. I wasn't doing all of that deep work. And that's where the incongruencies were kind of coming in to myself, because it was like, I got more work to do. And once I really started putting in that work, and being intentional with it, I felt more worthy for everything that was coming into my life.
Andrew Biggs 35:35
Yeah, totally. I'll never forget, I was actually at a retreat in San Francisco at a at an event. And we asked the room because somebody had an authentic share and a vulnerable share this Yeah, sometimes I feel like an imposter. I look around the room. And I think, man, I'm low man on the totem pole here. You know, I don't, I don't feel like I deserve to be in this room of all stars and expert business people and all of these different things. And then, you know, simply, you know, I was like, Hey, everyone, raise your hand if you felt like this person felt before. And more than half the room raised their hand, right. And this is a room of very powerful, influential, you know, overall, wealthy people. And it was pretty cool that almost everybody struggled with it. And so it actually speaks to something that's a little bit deeper, right? It speaks to this, like human nature of not feeling worthy. And there might be something to that, right, like you said, putting in the work putting in the effort to kind of earn it. And I think, you know, here's my lesson for anybody who struggles with imposter syndrome is a way to reframe it for yourself. Because you were talking to Mike at length there that I thought was really good about am I worthy? Am I good enough? And if you've ever struggled with the question, am I good enough? The the answer that you want to come up with is? Let's find out? Let's find out if I'm good enough, let me put in all the effort. Let me put in all the work. Let me leave it all on the court. Let me put it all on the field. And let's find out if I'm good enough. If you know what if I do that, and I find out that I'm not good enough. And I fall short of what I thought I was capable of. Fair enough, at least I left it on the court and I learned my lesson. And by the way, you're going to be a lot further than you would have been if you hadn't put those efforts forth. So that's my that's my challenge to you all. If you're listening today, and asking yourself, Am I good enough? You know, ask yourself to find out and to gradually put to put forth the effort to be able to see if you're good enough. And by the way, sometimes the answer will be yes. Sometimes the answer will be no. But you'll never find out if you just sit on the sidelines wondering. So, Mike. Any thought on that?
Mike Abramowitz 37:45
Yeah, I love I love that. That reminder, because even for me, I was like, I heard this before, what is he going to say? Totally. And when you said let's find out, I was like, Yes, I do remember this conversation? Let's find out. And it's a it's a great one, I would I would write that down. You know, I would I would encourage anyone to write that down. And just keep that keep that in mind when you go through your day. It's like, Am I good enough? Let's find out. Let's find out. That totally, I like it's good reminder.
Andrew Biggs 38:18
Awesome. So the one that next one that I'll bring up and by the way, this will probably end up being a two part series, you know, we have so many things that we're going to unpack, and we're going to be with you guys every single day for the next 75 days or, or 74 days after this leaving into 2021. So the idea is, if you want to have an awesome 2021, if you want 2021 to be your year, start here, start your morning here with us every single day, we might move the timings around. But at least for the next three, four days, we're gonna have it right here at the same time at the same place where you're at. Obviously, you can always watch back the recording if you can't make it on live. And then we're also going to package these into an actual podcast and put it up, you know, on iTunes as well for you to listen back. That might take a few weeks before it gets packaged and release there. We are going to have a little bit of a launch party for that. So if you want to join our launch party, make a note in the chat. And like I said, we're not seeing the comments here right now. But we will go back and answer all of your comments when we have time after after this recording. So the next thing that I'm going to bring up is being unattached. And I think that this is one of my favorite topics that I really had to learn as a leader as a coach over the last four years. And the concept of being attached in general basically means that you see something as as necessary for you. It's almost as if it has to go a certain way you need it to go a certain way in order for you to be successful in order for you to be happy or whatever. And so whenever we're attached to a particular outcome, obviously when that outcome doesn't occur, then we experience suffering. You know, this will probably at some point talk about spirituality, about religion and these sorts of things. I'm not I say, you know, get too far into that right now. But but from from a Buddhist perspective, what the Buddha would say is, well, that is actually the root of all human suffering, right, is that we're attached to a particular outcome. And then when that outcome doesn't, you know, manifest, then we experience suffering. So the practice for the Buddhist and I believe in all spiritual practices, this lesson is woven in, I'll be in some more subtle ways and say, Christian texts and other texts, but it's still there for sure, is to release attachment to things release attachment to physical things, release attachment to our own identities, release attachment to particular outcomes that we'd like to see. And so when I talk about being unattached, in this context, you know, typically I'm working with salespeople with leaders, and you know, they have goals and outcomes that they want to hit, whether it's numbers in their business, whether it's income they want to make, whether it's, you know, living a certain lifestyle, or maybe it's something inside their relationships, or something like that. And so whenever we're attached, again, we're, we're trying to hold on to the outcome. And by the way, the energy that we're giving off, let's say, in a sales context, saying, okay, I want to make this sale, well, the energy that we're giving off is a very desperate energy, right. And it's an energy of, I need you to sign up, I need you to buy, I need this, so I can fill in the blank. And this is a very dangerous energy to bring into a sales exchange into a leadership exchange, whenever we're attached, we're giving off these desperate vibes, and everyone listening to this knows what it feels like to be led by somebody who has, you know, a desperate vibe, to be sold to by somebody at a car dealership, or at, you know, some product that you're looking into who's desperate for the sale. And so actually, ironically, what we're doing as opposed to attracting this person to us, we're actually repelling them, we're actually giving off a signal that they shouldn't buy, and they shouldn't trust us, right, because we have an agenda. Here, there's more than just me trying to serve you at the highest level that's being involved here. And you know, one of the biggest things that I had to learn, you know, becoming an entrepreneur is to actually simply act on behalf of my clients actually simply do what's right for them. And sometimes if that means they don't sign up, and it's not a sale like that, no worries, it's not a sale. But if we can be unattached, it's actually a very attractive energy. And people are actually drawn towards that, you know, partially because you know, just the human psychology thing that people want, what they can't have. And so there's a little bit of a, of understanding, they're about being unattached. I feel like we could do an entire lesson just on this mic and unpack it further. But I'm going to kick it to you any thoughts on this, because I know this has been a big part of your learning over the last four years, and I've watched you really start to master this and get better and better at it.
Mike Abramowitz 42:58
Yeah, especially as a district manager of vector and Cutco, um, you know, we so there, there was a, there was a saying that you're, you're going to attract people like you. So it's like, you could look at someone's team. And you could say, Oh, my gosh, they're all many blanks, you know, fill in, fill in your name. And that was a good thing. If you were really good. That's a very positive thing. And it's, you know, we used to say like, that, if you had done this habit, then your people are going to have this habit, if you think this way, your people are gonna think this way, they're gonna be many versions of you, which was, which is a good thing. And that's what kept me fairly mediocre as a manager for quite some time. Because, not that I wasn't great. But I didn't break records. As when I was new, I wasn't the best, I didn't get the fastest start, you know, like, so it was like, great. This is just how it's gonna be. But you and I had many conversations more so about how do we, what does it need to look like to attract the sharp kids or to attract the people that I want? What who do I want? Well, what if I had to describe like the perfect avatar of of a representative I want to work with or a management candidate that I want to work with? How would I describe them? And and I know you and I've kind of gone through some of those lessons. It's like, Cool, well, then who do I need to become in order to be able to attract these people. And that way, when I'm in a conversation with these people, it's not desperate, it's already like, I know who I need to be in order to make sure that they are. You know, I'm being like a magnet and I'm compelling them to join versus like you said, where it's I'm running Telling them because I'm coming from a place of either non worthiness or, or attachment or desperation or whatever, whatever the word might be, because I've been there before where it's like, yeah, like, You're, you're sharper than me, man. Man, you're just so good. How am I gonna work with you? So So I've definitely been guilty of that. And I guess your original question is, how do you? How do you own that? I mean, I mean, we can explore that if you'd like.
Andrew Biggs 45:33
Yeah, I mean, one of the biggest things that I see is at its base, you need to get to a point where it's like, I don't need anyone, you know, I don't need anyone, I don't need anything, I don't need any particular clients or any particular sale, I don't need any particular person on my team. And you have to get to that point of saying, I'm self sufficient. I have a vision, we're going there with or without you, we'd love to have you on board. And here's how I could see you fitting in. And also, if it's not a fit, it's not a fit, right. And so just making sure that you get to the place energetically where you don't need anything, or anyone. And I see so many people, you know, I get some text sometimes where it's like, expletive, so and so just quit, expletive, I just lost this, this contract or whatever. And the truth is that that's really not the energy that we want to have ever. You know, I love every single one of my clients, I hope they work with me for a really long time. And also truly if any of them came to me and said, Hey, I don't think it's in our best interest to work together anymore. So long as they weren't, you know, backing out of a contractual obligation and say, Hey, no worries, like, hey, best of luck to you in the future. And you know, let's stay in touch. And maybe it'll make sense in the future. And we'll circle back. And I think that's the sort of energy that people really want, especially in the modern sort of market climate of, there's so much bs out there, there's so many people who are, you know, claiming and purporting to be experts in this or in that trying to sell you something, you get inundated with advertising all the time, whether or not you realize that and so just an authentic, you know, genuine relationship goes a long way for people. What's coming up for you on this topic, Mike?
Mike Abramowitz 47:21
the individuals that are really in personal growth, which are going to be the ones that are obviously listening to this. I think it's going to resonate with them the most, because we've all been in that situation. We've all felt that feeling whether or not we're aware of it. Because sometimes the ego tries to protect us and say, that's on them. Yeah, well, we'll we'll try to say, you know, the ego will protect us, and they'll say, they're just an idiot. They're just not there. You know, anytime we say that, that's like the ego trying to protect us that's, you know, the judge coming in, or a saboteur coming in to say, yeah, it's not on me, it's on them. And what what you're saying, and what we're saying is no, no, it's on, it's on you. That if they're, if they're backing out of what you like, what you just said, like, Hey, I don't think we should work together anymore, then that's on you to number one, honor them and send them on their way and, and leave with good standing and make sure that you still serve your purpose, which was originally to help them. Just because you're not doing business together. Now. You, you're stupid. So I think I think as long as we're owning, owning that space, regardless of whether or not we're doing business with them, that's the first thing that comes up with me is making sure that we are staying aligned to our truth and what we believe and what our identity is, regardless of whatever their decision is. So if their decision is to leave, hey, I wish you all the best. If their decision is to stay, then it's like, great. These are the expectations and standards to make it a win win. And I'd love to have you here, I'd love to do business with you. I'd love to have you stay but this is these are, you know, these are kind of the guidelines of, for us to you know, stay in this working relationship. Hmm, I know you and I have again, we've had lots of conversations around that too.
Andrew Biggs 49:31
Yeah. Can you talk a little bit more about that concept of Win Win, like what does Win Win mean to you? And how do you go about enforcing Win Win relationships in your life?
Mike Abramowitz 49:43
So Win Win to me is is I need to know what I'm willing to tolerate or what I'm willing to what what my expectations and what my standards are first. And I know at some points in my life, I didn't have those like I didn't know what those answers were. And that's where It would make it really tough. Even back 2016 when when you Biggs, you started talking with me and coaching me. You asked me some of those questions, and I was like, I couldn't answer them directly. It wasn't clear. So since I was not clear on what my expectation standards, what was I willing to tolerate? While therefore, it's impossible to make anything a win win, because it's not on my terms, it's going to be on someone else's terms. So that was that was really important for me to number one, I had to define what are my standards, whatever expectations what what am I willing to tolerate in this relationship. So creating almost like the rules of engagement, then, once I know what I'm willing to accept what I'm willing to tolerate. And if I'm in an exchange with someone, I want to lay the foundation or the framework. Now it doesn't have to be like, in order for us to be in this working relationship, you need to follow this. It's this I have to be so candid, and so blunt, but at least like it's framed in a way that lets them know what I'm willing to, you know, what I'm willing to tolerate? And I just had a conversation with someone in my organization where it's like, this is where the where the expectations unclear, like was anything unclear? And at some, sometimes it's like, yeah, it was unclear. I didn't know about that. Okay, then that's my fault. I want to be more clear, I apologize. Like, that's unacceptable. It's unacceptable for us to be in this relationship. And you didn't know that I expected that. So I apologize in that. But moving forward, this these are the expectations, these are the standards. Are we are we clear on that? Do you have any questions on that? Do you do you have? Do you want to challenge any of that? Do you feel like any of that is annex on a, you know, I'm not not feasible or unattainable, unreasonable? Right, unreasonable? And then it's like, No, no, no, those are good. It's cool. And then, if they ever go outside the box, again, it's like, well, let's talk. Because now that, you know, the expectations are clear now that now now we're this situation, again. It's not a it's not a win win, meaning, maybe you're getting good stuff, but I'm not. And sometimes it's opposite, where it's like, Listen, I feel like I'm getting a lot, sometimes I have this conversation. I feel like I'm getting a lot out of this relationship. I want to make sure that you're equally benefiting mutually from this relationship.
Andrew Biggs 52:30
Yep. Hey, let me ask you, why is that important? Why not just take advantage of the person, you know, like, I'm obviously playing devil's advocate here. But you know, if you're getting a lot, and they're getting a little, like, why even pushed for some sort of equal balance and exchange there?
Mike Abramowitz 52:44
Well, then it's gonna come, eventually, it's going to come to surface, I mean, I might as well be the leader and bring that bring that to the surface now. And I think, you know, if they're naive, and they don't see it, they're eventually going to, and then whatever reputation is that going to create for me? And also what type of what type of relationship is that going to have with that person once they are not so naive anymore? So I want to be a person of influence. So therefore, I'm going to say, Listen, I'm benefiting from this interaction, I want to make sure you're mutually benefiting from this interaction to what what are you enjoying about this? What is good for you? How are you doing? And asking those questions risking? It's like, Well, actually, I feel like I'm overworked. Or I feel like I'm not appreciated. I even with my wife, there's been times in our relationship where I've had to have this conversation of like, I'm feeling pretty good. Like, how are you feeling right now. And, and most of the time was, like, I feel good. Sometimes it was, like, you know, we used to send me text messages, you know, those random texts, or like, just validating and you know, like, giving me some more words, or, you know, sometimes it was like, it would be nice if you'd empty the dishwasher. And sometimes it was some of those words, like I felt great, but I was missing these, these small, little things. So it's like, great, that feedback is welcomed, because I want to make sure it is a win win, because I care about you. I also care about me, but I also care about you. So it's got to be mutually benefit. And if it's no, like, I'm not willing to hold on to the deal, you're not willing to hold it, you're in the deal. Well, if there's no compromise, then it's just no deal. Like we're not we're not gonna we're not going to continue in this in this relationship. If we're, you know, if we're not able to make it mutually beneficial.
Andrew Biggs 54:41
Right now, obviously, in a marriage context, that becomes very different. Right, because there is a, you know, vows and commitment that you've made, but I think yes, in a business context, yes, there's no such such serious commitment.
Mike Abramowitz 54:56
Yeah, with the marriage, even even with a marriage though it is, as long as There's communication with that, though. Because it's, it's like, hey, in this mini little battle, we'll call it shoot up the butt, like in this mini little segment. I just, I don't know, that just didn't feel good. That didn't feel good for me. Well felt good for me, but well didn't feel good for me. Like, I think we need to talk about this. And sometimes that's, that's important, because why that similar encounter might happen again. And if your partner doesn't know that it didn't feel good with you that previous time, then it might come up again. So it still comes down to what am I willing to tolerate? What are my standards? Even if I lost that battle, I told my wife Lindsay, yesterday, I said, I there's been many times where I lost the battle, you know, not that we're in a war, but that there's conversations that I feel like, that just didn't feel good. I lost that one. I missed it. I missed that one. But I can learn from it so that way, it's like, cool, what can I How can I How can I make sure I do better next time or show up better next time better for myself or better for you?
Andrew Biggs 56:11
Right, and this is, you know, this is the classic playbook for you guys to avoid resentment in your relationships, whether it's a business relationship, or it's a romantic relationship, or a relationship with a sibling, or a parent or whatever. Bringing topics to the surface, instead of swallowing your words. You know, there's basically two options you have, if you're feeling, you know, resentful, you either need to, you know, grow up, and you know, realize that the exchange is completely fair, and you're being a baby about it, or you need to start saying something right, and bring it up and bring it to the surface. So let me ask you one more question. And then we can start to start to, you know, head towards the exits here for the day. But um, you You said something earlier about how to, if you are actually benefiting more than the other person in Win Win relationship, how to handle that? What about if issues on the other foot where they're benefiting more, let's say, in a business context? How might you bring that up? Because I think a lot of people struggle with kind of holding the line and holding the boundaries, they think, man, I don't want to, you know, scare this person away. I don't want to push the boundaries too hard and hold firm to them. So how do you actually bring that up in a way that's, that's gonna maintain the relationship and maintain it in a positive way? What do you see there?
Mike Abramowitz 57:30
Yeah, this is bringing back 2016 and be and before so I think the the number one is, I still need to know what my standards, my expectations are, what I'm willing to tolerate. And if I realized that this person is they're getting more than me, and I realized that, that they're benefiting more than me from this relationship, or from this partnership. I need to know what's the betterment for them still, is what goes through my mind is, hey, you're winning right now. I just don't feel I don't feel like I am. I don't think this is fair, in this relationship. And here's why. And I'll give I'll give proof. This is this is what you're doing this is these are the decisions you're making. These are what you're getting, and this is what's what the business is getting, this is what I'm getting. I'm putting in all this, you're putting in all this, I will give evidence, I wouldn't just talk about I would give evidence number one. And then I would say the people that are watching the people we're developing, those that are coming up the pipeline are going to witness their witness, these people are always watching and if they're witnessing this, then they're gonna think that that's acceptable. So not only is it affecting me and the business but it's also affecting the future development that's coming up into the rankings that are watching your behavior thinking that's okay. And that's acceptable, which is then going to compromise the integrity of the entire organization as a whole. So therefore, it's not it's not okay. So yes, you're getting the paycheck. Yes, you're getting a flexible schedule. Yes, you're getting blankety blank. But it's compromising the integrity of my organization and also I'm putting in all this other work that you're not doing as well. And moving forward it's just not okay. So I want to create new terms of engagement new terms of what are the rules of our organization, what are the standards, what are the expectations let's revisit those and if for some reason you feel like that's not okay. Then unfortunately, welcome probably have to make different decisions and we might have to go in a different directions. I love you. I like working with you. I think you're fantastic. I want you here but not on the current terms that we're in right now. So are you open to at least having the conversation with me to see what some of the new terms could look like, and drawing some of that out and see if it could be a mutually benefit, Win Win type of situation. And if it's not, then we'll just have to move in different directions. Totally. And I will have the conversation and see what that would look like what is mutually beneficial look like. And I also think it's very important to have that emotional attachment to say, I am doing what's fair and what's right. moreso than being rightest. And I know you and I have had that conversation before of like, being righteous, like, this is my operation you're supposed to do as I say, you know, and Ryan is setting some of that some of that aside,
Andrew Biggs 1:00:57
right? Because everyone loves encountering righteous people, right? I'm obviously being being sarcastic there, right? Which I fear that coming up to Election Day, we're gonna see a lot of righteousness on social media. What do you think Mike? It's gonna be pretty intense. It's gonna be pretty funny.
Mike Abramowitz 1:01:16
It's It's insane.
Andrew Biggs 1:01:19
I mean, well, here's the thing, guys, we're gonna start to wrap up. This has been a pleasure. Thanks for everyone joining us live and if you're watching back the recording, thanks for watching this back. We will go back and read through some of these comments. Like I said, for some reason, they weren't streaming into our software that today, but we'll get back to you guys. So if you have a question, drop it in the chat now. And going forward, we're gonna try to find a way to actually be able to pull your comments onto the screen and, and discuss them. So we want this to be an interactive show. By the way, you know, part two starts tomorrow I wrote about 10 different things here on my notes, Mike, of potential things that we can circle back on. So I know you're on the docket for the next few days. I'm gonna have some special guests here coming in Thursday, Friday, Saturday. So this is this is fun. I'm so excited that we're able to kick this thing off, thanks to everyone who was able to join and we will let you go on with your day and on with your week. Have a great day and remember to leave today better than you found it. Thanks so much for joining us.