The Social Dilemma & Addiction | The Better Than Rich Show Ep. 5

Take Responsibility

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Take Responsibility 〰️

The Social Dilemma & Addiction

Self-awareness is important, we need it so we can be conscious of our purpose and make informed decisions based on it. Here at Better Than Rich we know that our Purpose isn't a job or a title, those things can be extremely useful in helping you advance to our purpose but they aren’t the purpose itself. Self-awareness is being able to take a step back and view things from all perspectives, taking yourself out of reaction mode and into a proactive mode with a wider perspective.

Part of broadening your own perspective is by being able to understand the perspective of others as well. Traveling to see and experience how people live around the world -even just in another state- is a great way to open our eyes to the perspectives of others. It’s important to explore different ideas and not strictly stay concrete with your perspective. Deciding that our own point of view is the only one is an extreme limiter to our growth.

Self-awareness is understanding that your point of view is not the only one, and most likely someone has an opposite one to you. Then understand that your perspective is valid and so is theirs based on all that they have experienced.

Let’s face it, no matter how much you know it’s very slim compared to how much you could know. A major problem some people have is believing they know everything and not being open to new ideas or points of view because they are so attached to their current beliefs and viewpoints.

Avoiding Purposelessness

You are a speck on this planet, you will go through the same life cycle as everyone else does so sometimes people can get stuck in this idea that nothing matters.

Here at Better Than Rich we understand this point of view and agree with nothing matters but, at the same time everything matters. It’s a balance of both points of view.

It’s understanding and accepting that in the grand scheme of things you are irrelevant but within your life you have meaning. Your ideas, your thoughts, your experiences are important but they are yours, you are part of something bigger than yourself. You decide what you do and that is a blessing.

Giving back to others and your community with your talent or gifts is also a way to avoid the feeling of being purposeless.

You may not know all the amazing people from the past. We can’t name every great mom and dad, you probably don’t remember who donated to your community YMCA, but that doesn’t make them any less great. They might not be read about in the history books but they made lasting impacts on their community by serving the people they come in contact with.

Instead of trying to change the world, start with your world first.

The way we impact the people around us and our community help impact the world like a ripple effect. If everyone shows up better for the people they have then the world would ultimately be a better place.

Andrew Biggs 0:00
Welcome, everyone to the better than rich Show. I'm your host, Andrew Biggs and I'm back with my co host, Mike Abramowitz. Mike, How are you this morning?
Mike Abramowitz 0:10
Feeling good. It's nice and dark and early here
Andrew Biggs 0:13
right now right then the number of podcasts that we are recording before the sun comes up. I don't know if it's a record, it's probably not but I feel like we're doing a pretty good job of these early morning broadcasts. Yeah, man whereabouts in the country yet now.
Mike Abramowitz 0:28
So right now I am in Savannah, Georgia.
Andrew Biggs 0:31
Nice. Nice. And you're traveling back from from West Virginia.
Mike Abramowitz 0:36
Yeah, so we had my wife and I had a great time at the Greenbrier in West Virginia and white Sulphur Springs spent Thursday through Monday there and then started driving back yesterday so we did about seven hours got to Savannah, Georgia. Got a nice King suite, the embassy and then we'll finish
Andrew Biggs 0:58
finish the tracker the big question here Do you like road trips or not? Like do you like driving like seven hours a day or no,
Mike Abramowitz 1:05
I don't mind driving I it's interesting. I feel like I can listen to podcasts, listen to audiobooks or you know if Lindsay's there just we just have conversation, or sometimes they get lost in thought. It's almost like calming.
Andrew Biggs 1:20
Right? I agree. I agree. I'm a big fan of the road trip. So awesome, man. Well, hey, today we're going to talk all about addiction. You know, we had to have a list of topics here. I'm excited to explore whether it's technology addiction, or addiction and other things and different strategies that people can have. You know, there's certainly people who would espouse that you got to be addicted to something like human beings are naturally addictive creatures. Before we dive into kind of the list of topics, how did you know let's talk a little bit about the origin of this topic coming up for us. Where's this coming from? Are we talking about addiction this morning?
Mike Abramowitz 1:59
Well, I because I went on vacation, I have I totally like indulged, I indulged into gluttony, I enter into a gambling indulge into or I guess it would be the opposite of indulge. I don't know if that'd be divulged but left my technology and social media so I realized that it's, it's very easy to settle into different behavioral patterns that if we allow ourselves to so like I went to, there was a little casino at the Greenbrier and I went and got $500 cash I was like, let me just play with 500 Lindsay had $20 she's not a gambler. I'm not really a gamble either, but like I'm just you know, when in Rome, I'm gonna go for it. So I took $500 cash out and went directly to the blackjack table. And I lost 250 bucks. It was $25 hands so I lasted maybe 15 hands. So 250 bucks, boom, done, right, and then another 250 bucks, and I never played craps before. So I was like, let me Yo, let me learn how to play craps. So I went to the table, no one was there. And the other 250 lasted me. I don't know, maybe maybe 15 minutes. So I was out 500 bucks in maybe 30 minutes, maybe maybe 40 minutes. And she's playing the same $20 for like the, you know, maybe an hour or whatever. So I had a smile on my face the entire time. I was like, This is so fun. This is cool. Like, this is enjoyable. And I was like I'm gonna go win it back like I could feel the feeling of the feelings of wanting to win this money back. So I was like, Alright, I'll just come back tomorrow. So next day, get another $500 back you have $500 cash out so now I'm at $1,000 that I took out I was like I'm not going to spend more than 1000 bucks but just the feeling of the thrill of then I you know, I tried roulette. I tried my roulette strategy that I learned in Vegas and it was working I made like 100 bucks and then I went up like 200 that was down 100 and then it was just like kind of going back and forth but I felt the feelings of what someone might feel if they were a habitual gambler like who I allowed myself to just go for it and just say oh I have more money I have more money like feeling the feelings of I was up I got you know I had $400 is what I left with. Out of the 1000 so I lost 600 for the weekend. And there was a piece of me that said hey, you're willing to lose a grand Anyway, let's just take the 400 embed it on black. Let's just see what happens there. Just go one hand for blackjack and just see what happens. Like there was this feeling that was coming over me and I could see why someone would get addicted to That feeling of uncertainty or thrill or what's next or maybe I could get it back. So that was one feeling that should have for me for gamma and the second one was eating I overindulged with with pizza and ice cream and lots of food I mean I'm talking chocolates to fudge to stuff I normally wouldn't eat and they're like that sugar addiction was so real, and carb I mean, I would say I carb loaded this weekend for sure. And how easy it is to just not exercise and sleep in and just eat and gorge myself. And if it was, it was comforting, like I was comfortable desserts and pastries and, you know, all these little cookies and stuff. But I didn't care I was like, hey, it's on vacation, but I could easily see how someone could turn vacation into lifestyle.
Andrew Biggs 5:54
Totally, totally. Well, I really appreciate you know where you're coming from. And I love the story and like the willingness to give us like the mechanisms that were going on in your brain as you are, you know, sitting down at the blackjack table or going to the craps table or you know, playing roulette and, and watching these these mechanisms at play. You know, it's interesting that you bring up gambling because so much of you know, the way technology has been created these days really does mimic the gamblers rush like the gamblers Hi, like I always wanted to give someone another dopamine hit, like keeping them at the slot machine just long enough. So they want to keep pressing the button letting them win, you know, every so often. And, you know, it is an interesting feeling that I think a lot of people are actually kind of habituated to, you know, I spent a lot of time with with people and you know, certainly not everybody but I've definitely seen a lot of young people who they just can't put their phone down man like they just simply can't go even 10 minutes, even five minutes without checking their phone without checking social media without posting something or commenting. And you know, sometimes it's you know, I'm here to deliver leadership and value and this person can't put their phone down and they're talking to people on the internet and when they're paying for my time I'm like, Hey, you came all the way here to to the middle of Arkansas to spend some time in the Ozarks with me. And you know you're on your phone what what's the deal, right? Not only are you distracted but you're paying money and you're losing out on it. So it's like that it's so strong though. And when I pointed it out to this individual they had no clue there was not even a shred of awareness that this was a habit that was almost instinctual for them. So you know just just starting off with that awareness right you know for you to even be able to describe what was going on at the at the at the casino and I also love the fact that like you're like yeah, I'm gonna embrace it while I'm on vacation. Right? And also like you know that that chapters done like backdoored but um yeah, how can someone begin to you know, awareness is a big theme for us so far through 10 episodes you know, talk to me about how someone can develop more of that awareness just any thoughts practices habits, what are your thoughts there?
Mike Abramowitz 8:27
Well, the and we've already talked about this before but by being in touch with myself by knowing by knowing the real voice You know, I've labeled I've labeled my different voices I have the truth and I have a wimpy I've shithead so we've already kind of labeled some of these voices that I'm able to hear and you know the truth is like the observer So the truth is is observing them those mechanisms like you were talking about but by because I have a good relationship with that voice that's in my head called the truth the truth was the one that said hey, tomorrow meaning last night said hey, you're going to be waking up and recording so instead of watching TV Let's read a book so I picked up the book last name because the truth is the truth is a very strong I have a very strong relationship with that voice that's that's in my mind. Sometimes you know when be was is sometimes the one that's you know, just like oh, what are people gonna think or you know, I that one is there all the time to questioning everything and then there's you know, shithead which just wants to try to sabotage you just, you know, just come in and try to sabotage everything. I didn't point in time. I don't know if I necessarily have a label or name for the one who kind of gets that immerses into this gambling or eating or gorging or whatnot. But it was it was very interesting to just be able to have like the truth. observe this This immaturity this this version of me, that's just like the kid in the candy shop, like, I mean, I'm talking, I was eating just pieces of chocolate, they had a chocolate factory, like inside the Greenbrier where a woman was talking about, you know, how they make the chocolates from scratch, and I was like, awesome, let's go get a box, you know,
Andrew Biggs 10:20
it's, this really, it just points a little bit to Well, first off, like these, these dynamic tensions, you know, in life, I was listening to one of my favorite thought leaders out there, if you haven't checked out Brett Weinstein, you know, everyone listening needs to check him out, he has the Dark Horse podcast, it's really, really good for for a number of reasons, but he's a evolutionary biologist, and he was talking about how every system has these dynamic tensions, right? You know, the balances, say your, you know, your pH, or your body temperature, or even, like, you know, when you move your arm, right, it's opposing tensions that are moving it, and how, you know, our, you know, we need to appreciate in our, in our civil life, you know, the dynamic tension between the left and the right, and all these different things. And here it is, again, showing up like this dynamic tension between the masculine and the feminine, right, the masculine is like, time to go to sleep time to wake up time to, you know, read the book, like get to work, don't indulge, it's, it's, you know, very focused, and singularly focused. And then the feminine is like, hey, let's go enjoy, right. And if you don't have both it, you know, life kind of sucks, right? To too much on the on the indulging side, and your life is really chaotic, it's a mess, you know, you have all sorts of illnesses, and you're, you're sore, and you're always tired. And, you know, your finances are a mess, and all these different things. If you're too much on the masculine side, though, like, you know, all work and no play makes, you know, Mike and injure adult boys, and it's just not exactly the sort of life that I think anyone wants to live. So I definitely want to point that out. in touch with yourself, you know, I think some people listening might think, oh, like, what does that even mean? Like, how do I get in touch with myself? And so, you know, just to peel back the onion a little bit from from what Mike was saying. He said, being the observer of your thoughts, right? So practicing watching your thoughts. So often, we actually identify as the thoughts, I would say, most of the time, when we're going through our lives, we are our thoughts, essentially. Right? But even just implied, and like, I think, right, or I had this thought it implies a separation already. And if you're willing to just simply look at it. And and observe the thoughts that are coming up? And of course, it's a, it's a very interesting question, where this is a very deep question. You know, the question is, like, where do the thoughts come from? Right? You know, we, obviously Carl Jung would be a really good resource to look into on this, but essentially, you know, his theory would be, well, they just simply emerge, right? And so they emerge from the unconscious mind. And so it's like, Okay, well we need to be really really careful right? That we don't just get taken over by the unconscious mind and next thing you know, we're just are we're actually slaves to our mind, rather than our minds being you know, we being the masters of the mind. So lots of really interesting things here in terms of awareness.
Mike Abramowitz 13:38
Yeah, one of the things I was just reading Um, I don't even know book it was but it says what's the brain designed to do? Some people say the brain is designed to learn No, no, the brain is designed to survive and it learns in order to survive. So so with that being said, oftentimes if we just are aware that our mind is like this tool that's just making sure that we are going to survive just by understanding that number one that the thoughts that we have, most of the time are not even our own thoughts they're just the part the amygdala going into flight or fight like protection survival mode. That's That's number one. The number seven second thing is there. If you ever catch yourself saying a sentence that says, I can't believe myself or I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I did that. So it's like, I is the person that is observing and it's like, can't believe i is the one who did the action. So which one is which I is you. So just by catching you're just catching yourself saying sentences like that, you know, I was I was playing golf, and I was saying things like, Alright, we could do this, let's do this, we got this, who is just me versus me. So it's like, by just catching myself saying things like that I'm like, okay, that there's this, there's a couple of voices in here, I got some roommates inside my head right now. And by just again, being aware of that, it doesn't mean I'm crazy, it means I'm aware, maybe I'm a little crazy. But it just means I'm aware that there are additional thoughts inside the mind. And just by understanding, like you said, Andrew, that we are not our thoughts, creating separation there, peels back the curtain or, you know, says, okay, cool, let me embrace this, let me embrace this a little bit, and then I could honor it, I could be aware of it, I can disassociate from it, I can, wow, open up a whole new paradigm of how I could approach my life, and I could separate from addictions, and then I could actually parent myself, then I can actually, you know, take responsibility for different things and not just say, Oh, that's how I am? No, no, that's how some of those thoughts are. But that doesn't necessarily mean that's how the behaviors have to be.
Andrew Biggs 16:12
Right, right. And this is all in the effort of, you know, increasing your sovereignty, like how much choice and how much power do you have for your choices in life. And obviously, addiction is a complete loss of sovereignty, right, you have no choice but to obey the addiction, to obey, you know, the command of the addiction. And so, obviously, that's not a great way to live, you know, quite literally, you are a slave to your addiction. So, and also understanding the mechanisms that are really, really strong, especially with how these things are being intentionally created to kind of hijack, right, the reward system of the brain, you know, we were talking a little bit offline about the social dilemma, obviously, it's a little bit of a hot topic. You know, in general, right now with people kind of watching it learning kind of having their their the the scales fall from their eyes, in terms of how social media is impacting the world, how it's impacting mental health, how it's impacting the family, all of these different things. You know, I, you added a little bit of an interesting take that I thought was unique compared to compared to many, so what was your take on the social dilemma, and, you know, your thoughts about how these tech companies are, are using technology to, in some ways, create addictions? Talk to me a little bit what's coming up for you on that.
Mike Abramowitz 17:40
So I want to first say that I did enjoy the documentary, and I thought it was well done. And I believe wholeheartedly that there that, especially Gen Z years have been dealt a tough hand because because of technology, like I don't know, how I would have fared being who I was, with this era of social media, like, I don't know how I would have done that being bullied. And just like all of that, like, you can't leave it behind you get, you get a fight and you lose a fist fight. And there was a few of those ahead of my day. It's not just it doesn't leave the next day. It's not like, oh, next day in middle school, everyone forgot about it. It's like, no, it has a million views on YouTube. And it's like you can't leave behind this stuff that I wish that our age we were able to just leave behind. So there is definite challenge there, especially for a lot of young people to make sure that their reputation is strong and make sure that they have this facade that's you know, there so I 100% agree with that. The the part that I didn't agree with with the documentary that I think everyone else might have missed was it's it almost gave us permission to not take responsibility for our own actions. It's it doesn't it's saying that like there was one scene in the in the movie, I guess we could call it where the girl the little girl breaks open the plastic container with her cell phone so she can go get the cell phone. And the immediate thought in my mind is like, yes, she has an addiction to her cell phone. I have an addiction, my cell phone to shoot, like this week, when I said no phone, I still was like, Alright, I'll check it once a day. It was like there was still this piece of me that's like, Alright, I got to at least look at it once a day. Yeah, so it's better than you know. 200 but it's, I still there was that piece of me. But that is not the little girl's responsibility. I mean, this girl is what 12 years old. That is a parent responsibility. So if I'm watching this, I'm thinking, yes, there is this strong addiction of the girl and then she like feels awkward about her ears and stuff. That is mom's response with this dad's responsibility to parent that kid and not point fingers and say oh, this Big social media company, that big tech company these ads are, are, you know, controlling the mind of my kid? No, no, you need to take responsibility for parents in your kid. That's that's the first thing that showed up. For me. The second thing that showed up for me is understanding business. I mean, these tech companies and the social media companies, its supply and demand. I mean, they Their job is to create problems and solve problems. And we're using their platforms, in most cases are free. So if you want to connect with your, if I want to connect with my family up in New Jersey, I'm using a free platform that someone else created, that is their business that they created. And if they want to use that, and I'm using their service, and they want to use that to sell me stuff, that's their absolute right to do. And if I'm just like, if, if I'm entering a store, and they have certain restrictions or policies in that store? Well, that's their right, as an independent business owner to choose how they want to operate their business. So I feel that, yes, is there a social could there be a social responsibility of these companies to like, you know, make sure that they're doing legit work and help make our society better? Of course, there could be a social responsibility there, there shouldn't be a moral compass there. But I do believe that we need to take responsibility and parent ourselves and not say, oh, they're supposed to, you know, take care of us. They're supposed to make sure that unbelieving a certain thing, or I don't know, I think it gave too much permission to the average person that's watching it to say, That's why I do this stuff. Oh, it's not even my fault. It's not even me. It's not It's not my kid, it's not, you know, and just gives us a chance to escape the responsibility there. That's how I received it. I haven't talked about this, by the way, Andrew, openly because I feel like I had a few conversations, and I had a few people say, Oh, I didn't really think of it in those terms. And I'm like, great. So I don't know if I really want to talk about this openly. Because I might get ridiculed for thinking differently, or something. So I was like, that was that was wimpy won't be the show. And I was like, ooh, maybe she just like not talk about this. But
Andrew Biggs 22:19
yeah, well, the truth is, you know, we need people to think differently, right now more than ever, you know, I think that a lot of people do kind of succumb to just standard operating procedure, you're given a list of beliefs, and it's like, Hey, here's the dogma of the day, like, this is what you have to believe. You have to believe that big tech is out to get you you have to believe that you're not responsible, you're a victim, you're oppressed, all these different things. It's like, well, what if you challenge those assumptions, right? Because, you know, part of part of the story is like, you know, if I wanted to be a victim, I could be a victim, right? If you wanted to play victim, you could play victim, anybody on the planet could choose to play victim and it's like, well, at a certain point, we got to start drawing distinctions between you know, truly oppressed people, and people who maybe just have had a, you know, a little bit of a tougher hand and we got to like make sure that we're we're good to go there. And that's a that's a larger discussion. Right at some point maybe we'll have it on this podcast this idea in this in this culture of victimhood, but I mean that's essentially one of the things you're bringing up here is like oh I'm a victim to you know, these modern forces and the the deck is stacked against me and it's like well yeah the deck is kind of stacked against you and and also that's called you know, so what is really the you know, the the response to that it's like your job to be aware that these technologies are attempting to come in and and disrupt your sovereignty and make decisions for you and then you know, it's your job to respond appropriately. If that means you know, going off social media cold turkey you know, completely then then do that if it's some sort of middle approach great if it's taking you know, strategic breaks like Mike did. You know, I've seen a lot of people say, Hey, I'm taking 10 days off and taking 15 days off I'm taking a month off. I think that that's really really cool. In fact, Mike trout in the in the chat right now just said, Hey, I took a two week break and it was crazy how much free time I had, right? It's like, yes, yes, that's what we're talking about. It's like, got done important stuff, like, you know, read a book like practice the guitar, like what like all of these things that you could do, what you could learn where you could travel, who you could spend time with conversations you can have that you're missing out on is is what you're you know, the the opportunity cost of being addicted to these these technologies really is. So to go to parenting, totally agree with Have you on that point? Right? It does raise an interesting question for the, for the fathers and mothers, you know, watching and listening here today. You know, what is the proper use of technology for your children, you know, it is a very, very powerful force and just just you, if you don't have a strategy, you're going to lose, right, you have to have some sort of strategy for how you're going to parent your kids with technology. Jonathan Hite who was in the documentary, and also somebody that I like to follow. Before, before this documentary came out, he has some really great books, the coddling of the American mind is what I would recommend everyone read. And it's all about great intentions and bad results on parenting, particularly for Gen Z. But um, you know, you, he says basically, like, all of these social, all of these suicides and, and mental health issues started spiking right around, you know, 2010 2011, when the social media stuff became ubiquitous, and, you know, there's a lot of research to suggest that those are directly correlated. So, you know, you got to be paying attention to what your kids are doing online, and take responsibility for it, you know, generally speaking, probably, especially for girls, they probably shouldn't have social media, at least until high school, and that's probably going to be an unpopular choice. And you're probably going to be, you know, they're probably going to be pissed off that they're not getting social media and all their friends have it. But you know, them being healthy individuals, well rounded individuals with a good solid head on their shoulders, for later in life, will pay off in spades later, even if they hate you for a few years. That's, that's my take. what's what's your take, Mike, what's coming up for you on your end?
Mike Abramowitz 26:46
It's very easy for me to, I don't want to say judge, but just to point out awarenesses that I see because I'm not a parent yet. I'm excited to be one. And and I'm sure there's going to be a lot of mess ups along the way. It's going to be a huge mess. And it's going to be like, Oh, that's why those parents have done that's why I saw them do this. And I like to be an observer. And for a given example, just just in the Greenbrier, there was a movie theater, and Lindsay and I went and watched a movie, it was called Coco Disney movie. And in the theater was a mom and a daughter. She seemed like she was waiting for the dad to come in. And the little girl must have been three or four years old and she was walking seat to see just like all over the movie theater. She came right in front of Lindsay and I like Hi, like super adorable. This girl was super adorable. And like Lindsay and I looked at each other as like, Wow, she's like, really, you know, right here, right there in front of us. There's a whole movie theater, right? And super friendly. But I look at the mom and the mom is on her cell phone. Now granted, the first thing goes, my mind is like, okay, maybe she's reaching out to the data or whatever. But then the girl runs around the front of the movie theater and goes to like one of the chairs, see's candy on one of the seats and starts eating candy from this movie theater that who knows how long it's been there. And she comes back to her mom and taps her mom and her mom is immersed in her cell phone, whatever was going on in that cell phone was more important in that moment than what was happening with a three year old kid that's in the movie theater. And she's in this candy. Her mom is like, where'd you get that she's like, I found it. And then her mom, it was almost like this. Like, on switch, the on switch goes on. It's like mom mode goes back. It's like, give me that. That's disgusting. Don't do that. But that's just it. Again, easy for me to observe because I'm not in it. Who knows what was going on in that phone conversation, I made up my own story happening in my head. But the fact is, is that three year old is not mature enough to parent it herself. She needs to have a parent there. However, an 18 year old, a 19 year old a 20 year old does have the maturity and the intellectual capacity to parent themself. Like an 18 year old knows that okay, I'm not gonna go eat the candy off the off the thing, and maybe it's not eat the candy off the floor. Maybe for the 18 year old. It's something as insignificant as, um, I should do my homework. Before I turn on the TV. I should say no to certain things and say yes to other things. I shouldn't settle into temptation, even though it feels good. I shouldn't cheat on my significant other, even though it might feel good in the moment like like these there is the ability to parent ourselves the addictions with video games, porn, you know, alcohol, you know, drugs, TV, Netflix, binge watching, I mean, it is very easy to settle into those things. So for a kid yes to your point, parents Have some of your child. But I also want to make sure that we mentioned parenting of ourselves. Mel Robbins, has that very popular TED talk about the five second rule, and she talks about parenting yourself. And I just, I 100% agree with that principle that when you get to that age, where you are mature enough to parent yourself, you don't have to be reliant on mom and dad anymore, you need to be able to understand that your parents raised you to this point, and then that's it. Their job is done. You need to take responsibility for yourself ability to respond, response ability, ability to respond. Those are that's my I know, it's my little rant there, but
Andrew Biggs 30:40
I love it. I love it, man. I love it. So Mike, Mike, dad, by the way, welcome, Mr. Dad, it's good to have you in the chat here. He asked the question, how do you find balance right between family friendship connection, as well, as you know, a lot of us use social media, honestly, for business, right? I'll kind of speak to this, and I'll kick it to you one of the shifts that I had to make, just mentally, because I was actually like, kind of anti social on social media for a long time, because just like the only way I couldn't, you know, get addicted was like to just essentially ignore it, you know, or I would just be on it and not be engaged, or I would just like be like this, like the creep, like just scrolling and like reading and observing, but not actually engaging. Because I just didn't want to get like sucked in, I understood that. Excuse me, the power of that. But one of the things, at least from a business perspective, one of the shifts that I encourage everyone to think about is, you know, you could be the consumer or you can be the producer. And you know, one of the shifts I had to make was, okay, if I'm going to engage here, I'm going to be the producer of the conversation, maybe the producer of the content, I'm going to be somebody who's actually adding value that other people are consuming. And I'm going to use this platform and this distribution network as a tool. So just really, practically, and simply, from a business perspective, when I get on social media, you know, not all the time, right? I don't want to give myself a perfect score on this by any means. But but I get on social media, I'm getting on for business purposes, to engage with my audience to engage and and serve their needs, right and meet their needs. And it's it's one of the tools you can use. So that's one thing I would say. The other thing around balance is just just, quite frankly, paying attention, right? And just watching how often are you just mindlessly scrolling? And how often are you, you know, actually looking intentionally for something to engage with. This is why I honestly prefer YouTube to a lot of other platforms. I know, we're streaming live here on Facebook, but we do post these on YouTube. And the reason I like that is I pay for the premium. So I never see any ads. And then you know, I can watch long form content that really keeps my attention to other thing with podcasts, right. And it kind of fights against that sort of like quick hitting like 60 seconds or less sort of attention span that people say we have, you know, most of the podcasts that I listened to, or an hour or longer sometimes it's like three, four hours long. I'm watching a podcast with Rogan or something like that. And it it trains your attention in a different way. And even though it's still social media, so I don't know if I have all the answers my mister down here in the chat, but you know, we're trying to figure it out here. Mike, what are your thoughts?
Mike Abramowitz 33:33
Yeah, I agree 100% with what you said, which is be the producer, I like what you said the producer versus the consumer. I never thought of it in those terms. But that's that is how I approach or attempt to approach social media where it's like, usually not all the time, but usually when I'll go in there, like he said, I don't give myself a perfect score because I don't either. But usually when I go on there, it's to post something, versus to go receive something. So um, so it's to go put out some sort of content, or, you know, check and see how some of the content I've already put out is doing is fairing. And then if I feel like I need to engage, then it's go And like and comment and stuff just to kind of play the algorithm now in the process of liking, commenting, or whatever, that's where the vortex can kind of suck, suck me in a little bit. But um, a couple of boundaries that I created for myself is I will not look at social media before I start my day. So during my morning routine, I absolutely refuse. I started this I don't even know when but I refuse to start getting my mind influenced by social media before I am able to release yesterday and be able to get a clear head for today. So like I want to make sure that I'm not just stacking more thoughts onto the thoughts that I haven't released yet. So that's one way that has served me To be able to find a little bit of that balance in my life. So a couple of things that have been helpful to offset that as a tool is, is instead of instead of keep my phone on, on all night, I put it on airplane mode. So therefore I have and I have no notifications on my phone, so I have no notifications, and I have my phone on airplane mode. So when I wake up in the morning, there's no temptation because I don't see any notifications at all. So the first thing I look at on my phone, it's an airplane mode, so I shut the alarm off, then I'll be able to, I'll go to my phone. And I always use my phone, I have it because I have my affirmations on my phone. So I have on my Excel spreadsheet, Google Sheets, but it's downloaded to my phone. So instead of you going online where I would have to then I have access to social media, I go to Google Sheets download on my phone, and it has all my affirmations on there. And it has all my goals on there. And it has my like my five year goals, my 30 day goals, my one year goals, my everyday goals, along with my core values, and my purpose statements for this year. So I've been doing that for a couple of years now. And I just look at that. So that's the first thing I'm looking at. So if I look at my phone, I'm looking at my affirmations I'm looking at my goals, I'm looking at my core values, my purpose statement, and just getting that in my mind first, then, of course, I'll tip I know we talked about this one, like morning routines and whatnot is just like stillness, just sit with myself for just a little bit, see where my thoughts are, and just kind of feel where where my breath is, is it shallow was a deep, my tired and my fatigue, like, you know, just like just seeing where I'm at. Okay, so I'll, I'll feed my mind a little bit, give myself a little space to kind of check in. And then sometimes I'll go to my planner, sometimes I'll go to my journal, sometimes I'll go to,
you know, my, use my WhatsApp, but specifically, that's business just to see you know, just to just to check in with my staff, but more so to communicate and outgoing communication that needs to be sent out. And then after I'm done with that, then I'll go check in social media after I feel like I've already set my day. So I'll make sure I think the mornings are really critical. And same thing with the evenings, I typically will not allow myself to look at that social media right before bed, because it influences my mind, at nighttime, and it doesn't really sit well. So again, I try to create those boundaries in the morning, try to create those boundaries in the evening. And then like throughout the day, kind of like what you said, If I'm scrolling or like, you know, in that vortex, it's just being aware, you know, if you're not aware you're it's the habitual addiction. But if you're aware, it's like, Can I interrupt this pattern right now? Is this serving me? Is this aligned with my goals? Is this helping or hurting? And just like if I'm aware, then it could interrupt the pattern. If I'm not aware, well, I'm heavily habitual into the addiction. And I'm not aware. So I can't do anything about it. But if I'm aware, I can choose consciously, a different path, I could choose a different direction, I could choose to put my phone away. And to Mike, now it's point, it's like, how do you find that balance, especially if you're with a partner, who's also addicted to their social media or addicted to their phone, I have to do my best to show up for myself, but also for my partner for my wife. So therefore, I'll intentionally make sure that I'm not on my phone that doesn't. And now I'm not going to play martyr and say, I'm not on my phone. So you need to be off your phone. But I'm going to demonstrate what it feels like and looks like to not be disengaged on my phone. And therefore I create the space for my partner to do the same if they if she consciously wants to choose to do that. And it was really beautiful. Because yesterday she said I chose not to check my email on this car ride. And she's like, it was tough. It's gonna set me back for tomorrow. But I chose not to because I wanted to be President. I said, Oh my god, I love you. So you can you can create that space.
Andrew Biggs 39:03
That's a really good leadership too. And I also love that it's not like a contest between you two, right? Because I can see some couples being like, yeah, like I spend less time on my phone than you and it turns into the the blame game. You know, just speaking to one thing that I see a lot of people need from social media is this term validation is what I wrote down. And it's like you're posting and then I definitely felt this when I first started posting a lot. It was like, my self worth was tied in with like, how many views we got right? Or like, how many likes it got, how many comments it got. It's like, ooh, what a dangerous game. You know, we're playing there. So just finding yourself worth, you know, intrinsically. I was talking with somebody yesterday, I was like, hey, do you have intrinsic self worth? And they were like, I want to say yes, but honestly, 90 most of the time I don't feel that I feel like you know my performance is what gives me value and so just you know finding that intrinsic self worth that like you know whether you know you're religious or not but like looking at it from the Gods perspective and like seeing yourself as this like child of God or this child of child of the universe that's like handcrafted and like you have as much value as every other human being it's not just your your human capital value that you can add to the capitalist marketplace that is makes you valuable. What makes you valuable is the fact that you're a human being, you know, so I made a list here of all the things that people can get addicted to drugs, alcohol, porn, sleep, TV, social media, fast food, sugar, gambling, sports, Adderall, Xanax, video games, I'm sure there's more, at the end of the day addiction, when it comes down to is a coping mechanism, right, it's a strategy to help us stay not have to face some of the emotions that are underlying you know our lives and kind of like underscoring our lives and it's just a way for us not to have to face certain things. And if we are willing to look at these coping mechanisms and see them for what they are, and be willing to just get a little uncomfortable, right? Because you know, one of the things we were doing a good job outlining the problem here but sometimes people are like, Well what am I supposed to do about this? And one thing you just have to be willing to do no matter what it is that I just listed, that you're addicted to, or somewhat addicted to be willing to sit and be uncomfortable for a while be willing to sit and be bored even you know be willing to sit and like you know, think and feel and you know reflect and just be with yourself and I see this you know, so many people are just overwhelmed by their own consciousness that they can't sit and observe themselves even for a little bit so that'd be my recommendation is to sit and think you know, the The only other thing I would just say is you know, choices it comes down to choices you were talking about indulging this weekend. You're really open about that. I really appreciate it I think we can all relate. And then also you said hey, last night it was like I'm going to read a book get back into go mode, right? And just making a different choice. What else is coming up for you Mike? Any thoughts on this?
Mike Abramowitz 42:30
Yeah, I was just talking to someone. I listen to Phil Mickelson on The Ed mallette podcast and he talked about golf has been his addiction he said some people gamble some people do drugs some people drink he's like golf became my addiction and he said it's a positive addiction it's not a bad addiction it's a positive one it's made me a lot of money and it's made me a lot of friends and got me a lot of fame it's a positive addiction but it is an addiction. And I think it's important to know like sometimes addictions could be serving they could serve us they could be we could call them positive distractions there are positive distractions there's no doubt about it um I also think that even so even though it's a positive distraction even though it's creating a positive gain it's still important to be aware of it it because without anything there's always going to be a compromise even said like there was points in time where you know, it could it could have affected his relationship or marriage or his parenting because it was an addiction. It was a positive addiction, but it still had a cost. So it's still the awareness which is important, but we can replace it like I was obsessed with NFL football like Miami Dolphins like oh my gosh, like oh, big Miami Dolphins. I'm still in Miami dolphin fan. But something clicked recently it might have been because of Miami Dolphins haven't been good. That's that's possibly but I think it was more so I was listening to a podcast I was listening by let and he said when anytime a grown man can yell and scream at a TV about someone that is not doing something well or doing something well with another grown man's name across his back that that grown man is getting paid regardless. Like that person is getting paid whether they suck or they don't suck and you're getting frantically emotional about a game that you are not tied to at all whatsoever. And I and I i've I know in the past how many times I would get emotionally triggered when the dolphins made a great play or they did a bad play or whatever. And I had my Merino jersey on and I'm celebrating a dude that didn't even play the game anymore, celebrating a team or not even celebrating the opposite of that when they mess up. But I would allow myself to get emotionally engaged and involved in something that had nothing to do with me. And when I had that awareness, I said, holy shit, I'm addicted to this like this isn't served me I want to give this energy to Something else. Not that that's bad. But it wasn't very helpful to a lot of my goals. And that was probably about probably 15 months ago, I had that revelation. And it's been, it's been very serving for me. And I'm not saying to anyone who watches, sports that, you know, hey, just be aware. But I do think that there, there is some, some merit to understanding, there are positive distractions, and then there are distractions,
Andrew Biggs 45:29
totally, totally. Excuse me, one of the things that I'll just bring up here is his, you know, we tend to get in cycles, right? And we tend to, our minds are really good at patterns, habits, right? Human beings are really good at that. And I love the work. thing was john lewis is his name. And then there's another guy, john, for fakie, as you know, has done some really good stuff on this. And they, they call it basically, it's like, a reciprocal narrowing where it's like this, this spiral of negative choices where like, your choices continually get, you know, more and more narrow. And, you know, to kind of outline that I'll just bring this up on the screen here, you know, this is called the nine dot problem. And so, you know, it's a really, you know, looks like it's an easy problem, basically, what we need to do is, you know, connect all the dots, all nine dots. By the way, if you're listening, it's just a three by three, three rows of three, if you're listening back on audio, you can also go look this up on YouTube, and search it back. But basically, you know, the idea is you need to connect all the dots with four lines. Right? So now, like, you know, Mike, this is the first time I'm throwing this at you. So you can start to think like, Okay, how would I do it, you get four lines, you have to end, you know, each line, it's not like you can pick up the pen. So, you know, you start to look at it looks really easy. It's like, okay, 1234, okay, nope, that didn't work. Okay, let me try going through the middle of that didn't work, we missed some of the dots. And, you know, it actually turns out to be a really tough problem for people to solve. And, you know, it's, it's not an easy problem, because our minds are really good at adapting or having patterns, right. And so when we see dots, we connect, connect the dots in a certain way. So I'm going to bring up the solution to the problem here. And you can now see, the problem is a little different, the nine dots are there. But literally, you go outside of the box. And to solve this problem, right? You start in the corner, and then you have to go outside the box. To solve this. Now sometimes people say, hey, that's against the rules. It's like there weren't any rules that said, you couldn't do that you've connected all the dots using four lines. But our minds have a very hard time thinking outside the box, especially when we see a pattern, right? And so a lot of times when we're addicted to something, what we need to do is just make a different choice, right? Instead of pouring yourself a drink tonight. What if you just went on a walk? instead of picking up the phone? What if you picked up a book, instead of you know, ordering the burger? What if you ordered the salad. I know this sounds really simple, but it's just one choice, one intentional choice that oftentimes can break that pattern and start to create a new one that can turn into that positive, you know, addiction that Mike is talking about. So thinking outside the box, breaking the pattern, and basically what that creates, what the research finds is that it creates this reciprocal widening of choices and like this, this like this. Options, right? It creates choice, sovereignty, where you can really choose the life you want to live. And it turns turns into a positive spiral. So, Mike, any thoughts on this? And then I know we got to start heading for the exit. So any final thoughts before we depart for the day?
Mike Abramowitz 49:01
Yeah, I love what you just said that you make the choice and those choices when that being coming patterns and those patterns, what happens that's where self confidence comes from, when you can create self confidence in your own ability to respond and to be able to parent yourself. And that's where it comes from is this small, little incremental choices. So I would suggest position yourself to win. So if we know okay, if we know podcasts could feed our minds more so than music, then make an agreement with yourself. I won't listen to music until I listened to 10 minutes of podcasts. If you know books, feed your mind moreso than TV then it's like, surround your house with books. And you can't turn on the TV until you read five pages from a book. And you just set yourself up to win if you know there are certain apps on your phone that serve you and others that don't. And it's like I can't open one that Facebook app until I open up the gratitude app. Or you know, breakthrough university with Tony Robbins or whatever it might be. You know, it's like you just make agreements with yourself and people Position yourself to make those choices like for example, with the food, that's like if you really want that burger, it's like I'll eat the burger, but I'm going to eat the salad first. And if I still want the burger after ate the salad, because then the salad is going to serve my body a little bit better. And I still want the burger. I'm still gonna eat the burger. But I'm just gonna eat the salad first. I still might open up Facebook, but I'm gonna open up gratitude app first. I still might watch TV, but I'm going to read the book first. I still might listen to music, but I'm gonna listen to podcasts first. And at least position yourself to win with those small cons of those small conscious choices would be my suggestion.
Andrew Biggs 50:35
Awesome. Awesome. We got some really good stuff here today. I hope everyone has enjoyed it. Thank you so much for joining. I will let you guys go and remember to on your journey to becoming better than rich to leave today. Better than you found it. We'll see you tomorrow. Bye.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai